Gay Youth: Expressing a Gay Identity

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What Should "><U><B>I'm In Love With My Friend!  What Should I Do?</b></U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="0451a1a3.gif"> <bR> <bR> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#990000" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>AskEssex </b></I></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#FFCC99" FACE="Arial" >     </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CCCC66" FACE="Arial" >| </FONT>  <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="AskEssex "><U><B>Home</b></U></A></div> <div> Back to <A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Past Issues"><U>Past Issues</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Community Links"><U>Community Links</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="AskEssex Shop"><U>AskEssex Shop</U></A>  </div> <div> <IMG SRC="05058050.gif" border=0 width="600" height="5" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <I><B>Gay Youth: Expressing a Gay Identity  </b></I></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="702" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 156 WIDTH="339"><div> <A HREF="http://www.10percent.com/products/calendars/index.cfm?refid=AX80601" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.10percent.com/products/calend"><U><IMG SRC="07a7d960.gif" border=0 width="125" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="14"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="156" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="14" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="339"><div> <A HREF="http://www.10percent.com/products/calendars/w2002/page1.cfm?refid=AX80601" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.10percent.com/products/calend"><U><IMG SRC="08a7d960.gif" border=0 width="125" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 474 WIDTH="339"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Dear Essex,</div> <bR> <div> I'm a 13 year old boy and I really like another boy. I don't know how to tell him & whether I should. I've liked him for quite a while now and can't get him off my mind. If I were to tell him, he would be the first person to know I am gay/bisexual. There are a few problems though. First, I'm not sure if he's gay. Second, I'm worried and afraid of what he'll say and do. And third, he's 15 and may think I'm too young. We've been spending more time together recently and love each other's company. At times I think he likes me, but when I flirt with him he never catches on. The other day at my Dad's party, he asked me to go for a walk and I immediately said yes. We walked around the corner and I got my hopes up that something would happen, but our little brothers and sisters followed us. When we got back to the party, he asked me if I wanted to go round his house next door, but again our siblings followed. What should I do? Tell me what I should do, whether I should tell him, what I should tell him, how to tell him, and hints to show him that I am really starting to fall for him.</div> <bR> <div> -- What Do I Do </div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="14"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="474" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="14" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="339"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Dear What Do I Do,</div> <bR> <div> Thirteen is a very difficult age at which to express a gay identitiy. Other kids can be very insensitive to difference, and somewhat homophobic because they are scared by feelings that they too may be having. So there's no easy solution to your situation. I would ease into the conversation with him gradually. For example, ask him if he's interested in anyone. Ask him what he thinks of bisexual people. Ask him if he's ever considered having a gay experience. If his responses are favorable, then go from there. If they are not, he may not be the best person to talk to about your feelings.</div> <bR> <div> Please note, that I am suggesting these roundabout tactics in your case only because, at your age, it might be hurtful for you to make yourself vulnerable and come out to him directly and have him get scared and break off your friendship. Teenage boys, eager to express their manhood, might feel threatened by the suggestion that someone else (you) thought they might be gay. So, proceed with caution and good luck.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 540 WIDTH="339"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Dear Essex,</div> <bR> <div> My daughter has a friend she plays basketball with. Recently, this girl's mother said that they were lesbians. She called my husband and was very graphic with details. Both the girls have said they are not gay. The other girl's father and I believe them, but the other parties do not. They want to end the friendship between the girls ... no talking or seeing each other. I'm afraid that if they go this far, I'm not sure what it will do to the girls. They say they are like sisters. This may sound stupid, but are there signs that will help me to know if they are gay? If they are not sure if they are, is there something they can read to help them understand how they feel? I feel so helpless and I want to help them both no matter which way they feel. I'm just afraid they might do something stupid.</div> <bR> <div> -- Help</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="14"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="540" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="14" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="339"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Dear Help,</div> <bR> <div> Dealing with issues of your child's sexuality is often difficult for parents to cope with. Unfortunately, in this situation some of the parties are behaving unreasonably. The girls are fortunate that you are supportive of their friendship and willing to help them through this difficult time.</div> <bR> <div> To answer your first question, there is no magical list of signs to determine whether your child is gay. And because of the dramatic negative reaction of the other mother, even if the girls are gay, they're probably too frightened to talk about it for right now. Furthermore, figuring out where one falls on the sexual spectrum is very confusing for young people. In fact, some people wait until later life before expressing their true desires. </div> <bR> <div> So here's the best thing for you to do. Tell your daughter that you love her and that she can talk to you about anything she might be feeling. Leave the communication door open, but don't be too pushy about it. Next, reassure her that, gay or not, you would never try to break up her friendship. And last, educate yourself of the issues of gay youth and the coming out process. Click on the "Helpful Books" link below for some book selections. </div> <div> So far, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Good luck and keep up the good work.</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="339"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="339" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="14"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="14" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="339"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="339" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>