I'm In Love With My Friend! What Should I Do?

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=631752" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=188 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <IMG SRC="0468cab0.gif" border=0 width="140" height="171" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <A HREF="id14.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gay Youth: Expressing a Gay Identity "><U><B>Gay Youth: Expressing a Gay Identity</b></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id12.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="She/He is Bisexual! 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Before I made the move, I talked with this guy online. I found out that we had known each other before. After each of us found out who the other was, we have been pretty close friends ever since.   I can talk to this guy and pretty much tell him anything that is bothering me and everything that I think about. He writes to me and tells me a lot about what's happening to him too. When his boyfriend broke up with him, he came to me to cry about it. When he found someone else, he told me about it. When they decided to call it off, he told me about it. I told him about the guys that I was talking to too. </div> <bR> <div> As time passed, he invited me to go with him and a couple of friends to a dance club. We went and then we ended up back at his house (nothing happened). I woke up and came back to where I lived. A couple of nights later I talked to him online and he asked me if I had had a good time. He also said that I was the only person that he cared about having fun. </div> <bR> <div> A couple of nights later, I didn't meet him online where I usually meet him to chat. The next night I checked my messages and he had told me that he missed me.  To be perfectly honest I don't know what he thinks about me. He says that he doesn't like talking with his friends (and I can see that from what he says and how he wants to convey it), yet he talks to me pretty much every night. Also, I think I've fallen for him. He's pretty much everything I have ever wanted. He's handsome and fun to talk to. He even has decent taste in music.  So what should I do? I mean, should I wait and see what happens? Am I just reading too much into everything? I'm afraid that I'll loose him if I wait too long.  Please help me.  I'm going out of my mind with worry. </div> <bR> <div> -- Out of My Mind!</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="716" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Out of My Mind,</div> <bR> <div> It sounds like you care for this person a great deal. It also sounds like he cares a lot about you. From what you wrote in your message, it seems that he may like you a lot.  If someone says he doesn't like talking with other people, but he talks with you every night, that says something about how he feels for you. Based on the signs he's sending up, you may be right about his feelings. </div> <bR> <div> There's a saying, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." You won't know until you bring it up. Take a risk and see what happens. Since you're both queer, he's not going to freak out about your feelings for him. If he's not interested in a romantic relationship, at least you two have a great friendship to fall back on. That should count for a lot because good friends are really hard to find. As for what you should do, you know this situation better than anyone. You also know what you want and need. Based on that, you will know what you need to do. I will tell you this: be honest with him about your feelings, but don't pressure him. Let him know how much you value your friendship.  Also, let him know how much you care for him. Make sure he knows that this isn't just about sex. Take things slowly and see what develops. I wish you much luck and success. Please let me know how things work out.</div> <bR> <div> Stay strong and keep the faith. Remember to always play safe!</div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 782 WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Essex, </div> <bR> <div> Hi. I'm a 14 year-old bisexual girl who is still in the "closet" and really needs your help. You see, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a guy whom I love very much, but I think is seeing my cousin behind my back. He's told me that there's nothing going on between he and my cousin, but I really don't believe him, because I've caught them together several times. I want to leave him, but I don't want to hurt him. At the same time, I recently met this girl who I want to ask out. Her words tell me that she's straight, but she flirts with me all of the time. We're always holding hands, writing letters, and stuff like that. We were at school the other day and she brushed by me and blew me a kiss. I really want to get to know her better, but my parents have told me that they don't believe in bisexuality or homosexuality. I've been living the life of a straight person at home, but I can't hide it anymore. I'm only 14, so they can't kick me out, but I don't want to loose my family over a relationship that might not work out. Should I drop my boyfriend and ask out this girl? Or should I just hold back? Please help me!! </div> <bR> <div> Lots of love, </div> <div>  -- Dreamer </div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Follow-up from Dreamer:</b></I></div> <bR> <div> Dear Essex,</div> <bR> <div> First of all, I'd like to thank you for your wonderful advice. It really helped me out a lot. Secondly, I followed what you said. I thought about what would be in my best interests, and eventually left my boyfriend.  Then I asked out the girl in my class. I got burned, because she's straight, and was only pretending to flirt with me to make her boyfriend jealous. But we had a nice talk, and we're still friends.  I also recently met this wonderful girl who is interested in me, and we've been together ever since.  I am so happy now!! Thanks, Essex!!</div> <bR> <div> Lots of love and sincere gratitude,</div> <div>  -- Dreamer</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="782" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Dreamer,</div> <bR> <div> Your main concern should not be "not hurting" your boyfriend. Your first concern should be taking care of you and your needs. If he is hurting you, then you need to move on.  You'e only 14 and there will be other boyfriends, believe me. So, if he is hurting you with his behavior, move on because life is too short for such aggravation. Take care of yourself and your emotional needs first. </div> <bR> <div> As for how you should proceed with this girl, that's your call. You are in a much better position to assess the situation than I am. However, how will you react if she's not gay and just friendly?  How will you react and how will you be treated at your school should you come out to her and it gets around? These are all things you should consider. Maybe you should just hang out with her some more (outside school) and get a better idea.  Talk about gay things and see how she responds. If she's anti-gay, ask her why. Sometimes people say anti-gay things because they are afraid of being judged as liking gays or being gay. So, just play it by ear. </div> <bR> <div> Also, why do you think you have to choose between the two? Why can't you do both? I'm just asking because you're too young to be in a committed relationship with anyone. (Plus, it's long distance. He would never know.)  Enjoy this time to explore your sexuality (I'm not advocating having sex because I think you're too young for that - I have a sister the same age) and learn more about yourself. Also, if she's not gay, it won't be worth hurting your family.  If you are ready to come out, it's a long process and your parents may have a hard time with it. Check out some of our books and links on the site. </div> <div> Good luck and stay in touch if you need more advice. Stay strong and keep the faith! </div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 1137 WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Essex, </div> <bR> <div> I am a 17 year-old boy (should say starting my seventeen), and I am in love (I think so, because what I feel is too strong and I have been feeling it since 3 years ago) with another boy from my class (I am in my last year of secondary - high school) who is my friend.  The problem is he is not gay, and I am very scared to show up as what I am (I've been pretending to be heterosexual my whole life, and neither my closest friends or my family know it, in fact, this is the first time I'm saying it to someone). And it's getting worse everyday, my friends are going dancing every Friday to look for some girls, but I can't go with them because I'm gay and I always have to make up an excuse.  The boy who I'm in love with also goes with them, up to now he hasn't been seeing anyone, but it still hurts (I mean of course emotionally).  I don't know what to do, I feel isolated and alone with this whole stuff.  I really need help.  Thanks in advance.</div> <bR> <div>  -- Anonymous</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Follow-up from Anonymous:</b></I></div> <div>  </div> <div> Dear Essex: </div> <div> I want to thank you for your advice. You've been a lot of help and I am more relieved now. I guess I'll think a little more what to do (I mean with my friend), the problem is I really love him and I don't think I will stop feeling this for him. Anyway, thank you very much for all your help, and I was wondering if you knew of some help groups in my area. I'm from Argentina, Buenos Aires (in the capital city of Argentina). Once again thank you very much. </div> <bR> <div>  -- Anonymous</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Follow-up from AskEssex:</b></I></div> <bR> <div> I have searched the web and come across these sites:  </div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.mundogay.com/" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.mundogay.com/" target="_blank"><U>Argentina Gays and Lesbians</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.whatsonwhen.com/lo/categories.asp?file=gay" target=_"blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.whatsonwhen.com/lo/categories"><U>WhatsOnWhen</U></A> Go to regions and click Argentina</div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5446/index2.html" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/H"><U>Gay Pages Argentina</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://lavenderlinks.com/places/amsouth/argentin.html" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://lavenderlinks.com/places/amsouth/"><U>Lavender Links - Argentina</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.fundamind.org.ar/sida/index.htm" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.fundamind.org.ar/sida/index.h"><U>Site about AIDS/HIV in Argentina</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.jwpublishing.com/gayscape/arg.html" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.jwpublishing.com/gayscape/arg"><U>Gay Scape - Argentina</U></A></div> <div>  </div> <div> I hope these help! Let Essex know if these resources proved helpful and maybe they will be included in the site.</div> <div>  </div> <div> Thanks for writing AskEssex! Remember, stay strong and keep the faith!</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1137" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Anonymous,</div> <bR> <div> First off, I want to congratulate you on coming to terms with your sexuality and coming out to Essex. That takes courage that many people just do not have!  Also, please know that you are not alone. There are many young men just like you! Check out <B>Commnuity Links </b>on <A HREF="http://askessex.tripod.com/index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://askessex.tripod.com/index.htm"><U><U>AskEssex</U></U></A> for websites for gay youth.</div> <bR> <div> I understand your feelings of isolation and loneliness since all of your friends are experimenting with the opposite sex. Now is the time for you to begin that process of experimentation and exploration.  I would suggest that you not do anything that makes you uncomfortable either with a member of the same sex or of the opposite sex.  However, if you are not ready to come out to your friends and they are pressuring you to attend a night out, you have to decide if you want to go along and play along, or not. I would suggest finding a friend you feel you can confide in and sharing this information about your sexuality.  It will take a load off and you won't feel all alone. If, however, there is no one who you feel safe sharing this information with, maybe you should look into gay youth groups in your area. If you need help finding them (if this is something you're interested in pursuing), please write back with your location and I will send whatever information I can find.  These groups provide a great network for meeting other gay youth and it helps to give you a positive self-image about your sexuality. I attended groups like these when I was younger and they were great.</div> <bR> <div> As for being in love with your friend, that's pretty normal too. It happened to me at that age. I found myself in love with my best friend.  We remained friends even after I came out, but nothing ever happened.  I think I was fixated on my friend because we were always together and I didn't know any other gay people like me. Once I met other gay people, my feelings for my friend became platonic.  As for your situation, you have to decide how you want to handle it. Do you want to come out to him and risk your friendship (if he can't handle it)? Would he be able to understand and not freak out if you did come out to him? Is he homophobic?  Does he make fun of gay people in a really negative way that makes you feel uncomfortable? You may want to find other young gay men like yourself to talk with and go through this process with. Once you find other boys like yourself, you may find your romantic feelings for your friend evaporating. You may want to focus on someone else who is also gay and who will reciprocate these feelings.</div> <bR> <div> I want to reiterate that you are not alone and what you're going through is normal. You sound like a healthy, thoughtful young man going through the difficult process of coming out during adolescence. Don't be too hard on yourself.  Also, be patient and things will work out. In time, you will find other boys like yourself who understand the feelings you are having. Until then, please stay strong and contact Essex with any other questions you may have. Thanks for writing!</div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 587 WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Essex, </div> <bR> <div> Since about half a year I'm in love with a friend of mine. We've known each other for almost five years now and I have a feeling that I can't quite cope with the situation. It's not because I'm gay - I've gotten aware of being gay at the age of fifteen when I had my first "crush" on a guy at school - but because it just feels strange to be in love with someone with whom I've shared "an ordinary" friendship for so long. I guess that I've been in love with him for a much longer time but at the end of last year I allowed myself to accept my feelings for him for the first time. Since then I can't get him out of my head, I try to see him as often as possible but it saddens me not to be able to tell him. On the other hand I fear that I might ruin our friendship if I told him what I feel for him. Can you give me any advice how I could best come out to him and tell him my feelings?</div> <bR> <div>  -- In Love With My Friend</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="587" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear In Love With My Friend,</div> <bR> <div> I would first begin by trying to gauge how he feels about gay people. Say something about gays or a gay issue and see how he responds.  If he has been your friend for such a long period of time, I can't believe you don't have some idea how he feels. But my advice is to start there. If he is homophobic, you have to ask yourself if you really want him for a friend.  It's hard having someone in your life who can't accept you for who you are. However, he might be totally accepting and you may grow closer.</div> <bR> <div> Coming out is a very difficult process. It takes time and lots of introspection on your part. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time and do it when you are ready to accept and handle the consequences, whatever they are.  You have to be prepared for rejection as well as acceptance. I would begin by finding a group in your area of gay people your age that meets regularly. Meeting with others in a similar situation may give you more courage and make the decision easier. </div> <bR> <div> Also, check out AskEssex Helpful Books (there's a link below) for coming out books. If you can't order books online, check out a local bookstore or your local library.  If that's not a good option, check out some of our links on Community Links (there's a link below) or other webpages.</div> <div> Take care and stay strong! Keep faith and know that you are not alone!</div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 1032 WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Essex, </div> <bR> <div> I have a problem.  My friend and I are having a problems. I feel attractive to her and crazy about her.  My friend dates woman but she's not looking for a serious relationship. Sometimes, I feel confused with her. I think she's attractive to me.  Like back in November I gave her a picture as a clown.  Well, she didn't know it was me and she thought the clown was attractive.  I told her that I was the clown.  What does that mean? And, last week she feels overwhelmed at me for calling her too much.  I do give her presents a lot that's because I like her.  This week she tells me that she feels like she controls me.  What does she mean that she in controlling? </div> <bR> <div>  -- Feeling Confused</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>AskEssex Featured Merchant - 10Percent.com:</b></I></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.10percent.com/products/gifts/index.cfm?refid=AX80601" target="_blank" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.10percent.com/products/gifts/"><U><IMG SRC="0a778a30.gif" border=0 width="120" height="163" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1032" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Feeling Confused,</div> <div>  </div> <div> It sounds as if your attraction to your friend is causing problems in your relationship. If you feel comfortable enough, may be you two should sit down and you should tell her how you feel, if you haven't done so already. Based on her reaction to that conversation, you can take it from there.  Your friend may feel like she's controlling you because you have feelings for her but she may not have the same feelings for you. Also, when you care a lot about a person, you are more likely to do whatever it takes to please them.  In this regard, she may feel that she controls you because you are trying so hard to please her. She may feel that you're vulnerable because of your feelings and she doesn't want to take advantage of you.</div> <bR> <div> I am guessing by your post that you are a teen. Having feelings of this sort for a close friend is nothing new. You're not the first and you won't be the last to feel this way.  I say that to let you know that you are not alone and that what you're feeling is okay. Now comes the hard part. What to do with these feelings? It sounds like your friend needs a little space right now. All of the gifts and attention may be overwhelming her and she may need some space to breathe and to sort out her feelings. Give her that space and trust that your friendship will still be there.  You also have to determine what you want from her. If she is unable to give you what you want, you may have to look elsewhere and just have a friendship with this young lady. That's not so bad!  A good friend is a goldmine and they are very underrated when you're young and just want some affection. Also, try not to read too much into her every act and utterance.  If she said the clown was attractive and didn't know the clown was you, take it at face value. She thought the clown was cute. That does not mean she wants a relationship or that she has romantic feelings for you. I don't mean to sound harsh but just take what she says for what she says and leave it at that for right now. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy trying to sort out the meaning of every little thing she says. Believe me, I know.  I was in love with my best friend in high school and I tried to find an indicator of my friend's feelings for me in every thing that was said and done. I almost lost my mind and my best friend. </div> <bR> <div> In sum, just calm down and enjoy your friendship. I know it won't be easy at first, but trust that things will happen when they are meant to happen and with the person they are meant to happen with.  Time has a way of sorting out even the most confusing of situations. </div> <bR> <div> Please keep in touch and let Essex know how things are going. Take care and if you need info about support groups or things of that nature in your area just email your location. Stay strong and keep the faith!</div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex!</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP BGCOLOR=#FFFFFF HEIGHT= 924 WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04d2b2a0.gif" border=0 width="43" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Essex, </div> <bR> <div> Okay, my situation is so complicated that I hardly understand it.  I had a crush on a guy from the time I was 6 until I was 16.  He dated me when I was 15, then broke up with me for a girl named L.  A year later, he did the same thing.  I mourned for a year while they dated.  Then, once they broke up, I realized that it wasn't the guy I was attracted to, but L.  I didn't tell her. For the following year, I kept my feelings inside. I told my best guy friend, who is homosexual. Well, about seven months ago, I met the perfect guy. He's turned into my best friend and my lover.  I love him with all of my heart. I told him about my bisexuality, and he was hurt but accepting.  Then, I told a few more guys.  About a month ago, I told L that I am bisexual, and she told me that she is also attracted to women.  She's currently attracted to me. She's dating a guy, about a yearlong relationship, but she wants to explore her sexuality with me.  I'm curious whether my attraction to girls is valid or simply a TV fetish, so I want to explore my sexuality as well, but my boyfriend thinks I'm not satisfied with him.  He says that it hurts him to think that I want to be with someone else.  I tried explaining to him that with him, its love.  With L, it's curiosity and lust.  He doesn't understand.  I don't want to do anything to hurt him, but I'm so curious that it's killing me.  Also, I'm still a virgin. I think the fact that I won't have sex until marriage with my boyfriend, but I want to have "female sex" with L is also having an impact on him. I'm so confused.  All along, L and I have been attracted to one another, but now that I'm attached is when I know. Life is such a predicament.  What should I do from here? </div> <bR> <div>  -- Curious and Attached</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="11"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="924" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="11" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="337"><div> <IMG SRC="04e29260.gif" border=0 width="41" height="38" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Dear Curious and Attached,</div> <bR> <div> Well, that is quite a predicament. Let's go over one thing ... about no sex until you are married. Oral sex is sex (whether with a male or female), digital penetration is sex, any kind of penetration is sex.  Just some food for thought. I share this because many people operate under a misguided belief that if a penis does not penetrate a vagina then they have not had SEX. Sorry, that is just not accurate.  I don't subscribe to Clinton's wishy washy, self-serving definition of sex.</div> <bR> <div> Now, on with the real issue. You are only 16 and you have a lot of living to do. You are too young to be in a committed monogamous relationship. Life is about experimenting and having fun.  You can get in a monogamous relationship when have had more experiences and are truly ready to make that commitment. It is pretty clear that you are just not there yet. </div> <bR> <div> Your boyfriend is having problems because, like me, he knows that sex is sex, whether with a boy or a girl. He feels that you are being unfaithful. If you have any kind of sexual relations with this girl, you would be being unfaithful.  So, you have a choice to make. No matter which decision you make, someone is going to be disappointed and unhappy, for a moment. This is all part of life. You might as well learn now how to make and deal with the tough decisions.  So, you can either remain faithful to your boyfriend and not see L (in which case you and L will be disappointed) or you can see L (in which case your boyfriend will be disappointed). I believe in taking care of my needs and being true to myself.  However, that is me and my life philosophy. You will have to make the determination for yourself based on what is most important to you.  Do you want to be true to your needs and curiosity or do you want to ignore your needs and make that sacrifice for your boyfriend?</div> <bR> <div> My advice is to enjoy life, stop taking things so seriously (life really isn't as hard as Dawson's Creek makes it out to be) and realize that you have a lot (and I mean a lot) of living to do.  These questions will not go away until you deal with them, even if you put them on hold to please your boyfriend. Take care of yourself and stay strong. Know that you will make the wrong decision and the right decision from time to time.  This is how we learn and grow. Good luck!</div> <bR> <div>  -- Essex</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>